Three of my favorite things

1.
The large fountain out front runs exclusively on champagne. At the stroke of midnight, each night, a pair of beautiful European blondes snake into the water—nude, of course—and blow bubbles while giggling. They are strictly instructed not to touch each other, a rule they usually break.

2.
At the top of the east castle is a pair of hobgoblins. They are exercise maniacs and you’ll usually find that they are operating on a number of synthetic steroids. If they were tested for blood doping, they would fail. But they know their business, and absolutely nobody is allowed into the top secret gym within the closet’s unassuming confines.

3.
Frank was mildly racist. He loved a good poker game and never shaved without taking 50 milligrams of speed. This would get him really revved up, which was a good idea if you wanted Frank to accomplish anything. Usually he just lay in bed, motionless, and moaned.