The Mercer Kingpin

Dave “Mercy” Elliot: A real kingpin in the healthcare game, hailing from Mercer, Ind. ("God's home").

Fittingly Dave had no mercy for anybody except himself and knew next to nothing about health care. However since he was “next to” nothing, and not occupying the same space as nothing, he determined (“somewhat logically”) that he didn’t know “nothing,” and therefore might as well know everything.

“Way I look at it is, hell, John,” he said, gesticulating toward the congressmen, “I been around, seen a lot of people in this here country, and I know a thing or two about brass tax. (Roars of laughter from the Brass Conglomerate crowd)

"Point is, we need everybody on the same page, everybody to pull together. Let's fuck up this bill! Down with universal health care!"

All the scarecrows cheered and Republican whip John D. Sternum stood and clapped and even cried a single tear.