After playing bongos until I collapsed nude onto my free-trade organic bamboo flooring, and slowly crawling to my computer to check my email, I got an angry epistle from my lawyer Ron regarding a recent Absurdists' post. He ordered me to write this on the blog or face stiff penalties (Absurdists' board of regents is getting very irritated with the lack of production and certainly he knows I don't want to upset them anymore. Normally I'd tell the ginkgo-pooping toolbag to calm down with a nice warm tea of white willow bark and ballsack... but now I've got to play nice). Here goes:
TO: MY BLOGREADING PUBLIC
REGARDING: MY LAST POST
WHEREIN MY WORDS WANT CLARIFICATION
REGARDING SUGGESTIONS OF NEFARIOUS
ACTIVITIES BY TED HAMPTON, Jr., OF
CHAMPAIGN COUNTY, ILLINOIS, SPECIFICALLY
SEEMING TO SUGGEST THAT TED
HAMPTON, Jr., MURDERED BILLY-RAY,
or ANY PERSON, FOR THAT MATTER.
Dear Reader,
How are you? Hope things are excellent. Say, let's cut the crap, okay? I'd like to firmly disavow any suggestion that there is any barber by the name of Ted Hampton. Really, there isn't any man in the world, let alone in Champaign County, named Ted Hampton, Jr., who makes a living cutting hair and hawking grooming products (subtly, on the side). And even if there were, this no-doubt upstanding, patriotic man would never have killed Billy-Ray, or killed anybody, for that matter.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment