"My vocabulary is tropical"

she said, without a hint of irony
"Who are you, the Lorax?" I replied,
with a sprinkle of sarcasm.
"No, I'm Katie," she deadpanned.

This time there was irony
but she clearly didn't see it
missing the forest for the trees
for whom she supposedly speaks.

Not only did I think her name was Lucy,
but the twinkle in her eye made me think
that she was fucking with me. I pressed on:
"Did you know that hearts of palm are endangered?"

"Oh no!" she exclaimed, "are you serious?"
"Serious as a heart attack, Katie. And I fucking
love those things. A crucial part of any salad."
She turned away. I heard a muffled sob.

"Hey listen, there's other fun stuff you can put in there.
Artichokes, green olives...it's not the end of the world."
She turned towards me "I don't care about hearts of palm.
I didn't even believe you to begin with. That was a sneeze."

"Oh, well bless you then"
"Too late"
"What??? I retract my blessing."
"You're a jerk."
"Takes one to know one, Lucy."
"Why don't y--Hey! how'd you know my real name?"
"You're wearing a nametag."
"No, I'm not."
"Oh. Whatever, talk to you later."

I left her standing there, looking puzzled.
I, myself, was flummoxed too. But playing it down.
Wait til she finds out who we are. The royal we, that is.
We are Siamese if you please.

I'm my own twin
I share organs with myself
I have two dicks and three balls
and Lucy will be mine.