Sign Language: A moral tale

This will come as a huge surprise to people who know me well, but last night on my way home from the bar I created some shenanigans. Somehow a sign had been knocked over and was laying there on the street. It said something about "Bike Lane Merging ahead." I encountered this fallen soldier less than a block from my apartment. So, naturally, I dragged the (quite large) sign back to my place and left it on the first floor entryway just past the double-doors. I actually remember thinking that it was an okay thing to do because it's something an ant would do. You know, I'm just gathering stuff and taking it back to my hole, Mr. Officer. Like an ant. Don't worry about it.

So this morning after awaking I was seized with mild terror. Holy shit, I thought, did I really drag a comically large Bike Lane sign back to my apartment in the middle of the night? Yes, I did. This was bad. The wailings of the ever-present Fire Station across from my place (The Chinatown DRAGON FIGHTERS) were newly alarming. Were the authorities on their way to get me? (All sirens sound the same to guilty men.)

It is quite edifying to do something mildly wrong and suffer the mental / moral consequences. The machinery of rationalization was already in progress. Well, it's not that big of a deal, the sign was already knocked over, my removal of it probably won't kill anybody... Should I admit or deny my actions if directly asked? Who could prove it was me? Is there any camera evidence? This is NYC, you never know. Camera central. When would the sign's absence be noticed? What will be done?  

So I had to intervene in my own thoughts, saying: THIS ISN'T HYPOTHETICAL. THIS IS REAL. MAKE IT RIGHT.


So, I walked downstairs. The sign was already gone; the landlord / invisible-but-surely-real-lady-who-does-a-good-job-of-taking-out-the-trash-and-recycling had already moved it to the trash pile outside (aka the sidewalk). I already felt better. The action seemed to speak of this feeling by whoever removed it: "Why is there a sign in the hallway? Oh well, I'm going to put it outside on the trash pile." [No further ruminating or wondering or moralizing required. It's New York, honey. Once again I'm making up stuff without any merit or defense. The impulse was probably even simpler: "REMOVE ITEM."] But this wasn't enough; I had to take the sign back to where I got it. I dumbly stood there for about 5 minutes, "scoping out the scene," and readying myself mentally. Got a text from Joe: "Have you ever eaten 'tacos'?" Responded, "What r tacos?"  Finally, I picked up the sign and heavy metal pole to which it is attached. I started walking. I could have scarcely been less inconspicuous. There were some sidelong glances and people actually took small notice of me (unlike usually). But nobody said anything. I crossed the street and set it down. No police. All was right with the world... I returned it to where I had found it. The end.


PRESSING QUESTIONS:
Who does sign censuses? Who will notice it's knocked over? If I didn't move it back, would it be thrown away? Where do the police factor into all of this?


EPILOGUE:
I celebrated by walking around and discovering a new cheap restaurant on Essex and Delancey.